My favorite TV trope is when the mom is like "tell your brother dinner is ready" and then the sister yells up to the brother and then the mom is like "well I could have done that!" It is a reminder of the importance of communication.
This is a warning about getting other people to do things that you should just do yourself. And before you roll your eyes and think this is some soap box about delegation, it’s not. Because you can and should ask for help when and if you need it. Humans are all specialized in different ways and we should always be able to learn from others who have knowledge of the things we lack. But there is so much to be said about trying things yourself. About you being the only you that you are. That might have been a Dr. Seuss plagiarism, sorry. This is my advice about why you should not take advice. A Pillowtown on irony is coming later.
Unhelpful advice can be broken down into 3 main categories, according to the modern woman: Dating, Career, and Skincare Routine.
Dating: Everyone loves to give you advice when you go through a breakup. And when you get home from a first date. And when you even so much as glance at whoever you want to date. Influencers and talk show hosts and writers and moms and doctors and neighbors all have their own lived experiences, and they want to give you rules for dealing with the wild world of wuv. But going through all these anecdotes and words of wisdom can stray you from the very important path that is: trying shit out, fucking it up, and trying something else. You are never going to convince your friend to leave their shitty boyfriend, nor should you. This is their journey. The way you caught the eye of your partner is different than the way your cousin will with theirs. And the way you handle your heartbreak is different too.
Trial and error is going away. Before our very eyes. It’s melting like the ice caps and soon, people will have to consult a panel of their closest friends and family before taking a shit in the morning.
Career: Insert everything said about dating, now apply it to a career path. You can scour the wikipedia pages of every celebrity you aspire to, but none of their lives are yours. They went to Juilliard, and now they star in Ozark, but you are not Laura Linney. You might go to Juilliard and discover that acting is not your passion. You might get rejected from Juilliard. Nothing bad has ever come from someone getting rejected from an art school. Ok maybe that one guy.
Comparison is the thief of joy. Again, plagiarized. If you spend so much time worrying about what ladders other people are climbing, you might fall off your own. Something about this heavy snowfall is making Pillowtown HQ very very sentimental and riddle-like. Oh well.
Skincare routine: Ok this one is going to drive the metaphor home. How many fucking times have you seen a famous person being asked about their skincare routine? And then you go out a buy the same products and use them in the same order only to discover that you have entirely different skin microbiomes and what works for them might not work for you. A slight digression but think about peanut butter. Don’t put it on your face. But peanut butter can be one man’s snack and another man’s poison. And another man’s solution to get gum out of his hair but the jury is out on the efficacy of that one.
Why do we ask other people what they do for themselves when we just need to do things for ourselves to find what works? If you have the answer, let us know. Here at Pillowtown we are very receptive to feedback and very afraid of planes and oceans. No further questions.
In an effort to not be one of those people that gives problems without solutions, here are a few. Step one, don’t listen to any of this. Do exactly whatever it is you want to do, as long as you bear the risk. If your skin is too dry or too wrinkly or you have blackheads or you want to “glow like a baby” talk to a doctor. Or a trusted old woman who will just tell you to wear sunscreen and stop smoking cigarettes when you’re drunk. Or ever. Pillowtown is firmly anti-cigarette. No joke to follow. Throw that shit out.
More ideas: go out and date people. Go to comedy shows and bars and picnics and long walks on chilly days. When you get your heart broken, eat a lot of mini m&ms, and then get back out there.. And go on some more dates. Some weird ones, some long ones, some short ones, and some where you sneak into fancy events. You might be surprised when you fall in love again. Nobody ever knows what’s ever going to happen, besides Elon Musk and the groundhog. Don’t listen to rules about texting first or waiting or playing hard to get. Be so easy to get. Like an assault rifle.
Career advice: work in at least one job where your boss is a total ass. Work in a place that requires you to clean up oil spills. Not the BP kind but like, on a commercial kitchen scale. Work at big companies and small companies and work with your friends and work where you know nobody, and make some friends. Steal the snacks at work. Experiment with different alt milks at your tech startup because all the varieties are there for you to try.
A wise man once (supposedly) said that the only thing we know, is that we know nothing. So take that as you will. Assume you don’t have any of the answers, and assume nobody else does either, and go on a relentless search to find them. The process of looking is more important anyway. Tune in next week for more fresh pressed juice.
The best thing I ate this week:
Was a savory donut (medu vada) from Samudra in Jackson Heights. My friends and I went on a food crawl and this was the last thing we ate, and arguably the best. It was fluffy and crispy, warm and soft, and whatever just go there. Take the 7 train and take some friends.