Happy Hanukkah to those who observe. To those who don’t, fry a potato anyway today in the name of ceremony. Today, I want to reflect on the year in the only way that feels acceptable; Buzzfeed listicle style. TIME Magazine just announced their 4 candidates for person of the year 2020, but I have my own ideas. Here are my finalists for the TIME person of the year:
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel.
The boy who said he wasn’t hungry for dinner because his roommate brought home leftover pasta salad from his uncle’s funeral and he ate a lot of it before I texted him to hang out.
The baby bear from the Charmin Ultra commercial. I think selflessness should be a huge factor in considering person of the year. This bear is a single issue voter when butts are on the ballot. He cares about each and every person having soft, strong toilet paper. In a year often defined by toilet paper or a lack thereof, this candidate is high on my list.
The rat on the street who chose to run away from me instead of towards me. She was carrying brie and rosemary and I think she could secretly be the greatest chef in Brooklyn.
The man who DM’d me on Instagram to say that he would like to send me money once a month in exchange for friendly conversation. This is honestly my dream scenario. As a self proclaimed intellectual, I think the sexiest thing I have to offer is my brain. I don’t know how this man found my profile, but I’m glad to know that once he got there, he came to the conclusion that “this girl’s whole thing is talking.”
Seth Rogen. He spent decades making movies inspiring average looking men to go after the Charlize Therons of the world, and then he basically stopped cold turkey and started making pottery. He also made a movie a while back about grocery items having sex and I think that’s beautiful.
Parris Goebbel. Parris is a choreographer from New Zealand. I have been a huge fan of her work since I started dancing seriously in middle school, and she’s the mastermind behind most of your favorite music videos and Super Bowl halftime performances. She recently choreographed Rihanna’s Savage Fenty show, which if you missed it, was a one hour Hip-Hop choreographed fashion show in lingerie. Sort of like my Bat Mitzvah.
Rihanna.
Emily in Paris. I haven’t seen one minute of this show, but I admire how she got the whole internet together to hate her. There’s strength in a camaraderie of disgust. It’s important that in these trying, divisive times, we remember that nothing unites people more than complaining about a TV show that nobody forced them to watch.
Matthew Morrison as The Grinch. Sometimes the person of the year is a terrorist. The former Mr. Scheuster chose to sexualize the Grinch in a dark chapter of our nation’s history. Just because you are the person of the year does not mean you are good. Some have described his performance as “super sexy” but I am personally stuck on the fact that he was inspired by Joaquin Phoenix’s Joker to prepare for his role. Absolute power corrupts absolutely.
Honorable mentions:
Thing 1 (Not Thing 2)
The entire cast and crew
The Academy