Before I begin, a brief note on grief. I spent most of last week with my family attending my grandma’s funeral and sitting shiva. I’ve said this before but there’s community in grief, and that’s what makes getting through it possible. I’m so grateful to all my friends and family who have been there during different levels and intensities of my grief lately. I’m still grieving but I’m also living. My grandma lived almost 100 years. So I have a lot of shit to do to catch up. Starting with sharing more opinions on the internet, something she would not think is a good idea. Anyway!
Welcome to this sabbath edition of my weekly secular newsletter. I’m writing this once again from my phone because I’m sitting in my new apartment and I haven’t set up the wifi yet. I've been busy doing more important things like finding a goddamn pair of socks in a huge box I just labeled “clothes” and buying charmin ultra strong.
I am too exhausted to talk about moving right now, because I’m still in the process. I’m too close to this art to give a nuanced enough perspective. So instead I will choose to talk about the thing I love most in this world- grocery stores. Note: this does not apply to any other store. I hate shopping of any kind that is not grocery shopping. I had to buy socks at a Uniqlo yesterday because I cannot for the life of me find them in the rubble and I was so unpleasant. Nice socks though.
It all started when my parents started a grocery store chain way before I was born. For the record, I was not alive during the Fresh Fields era but I’d like to think that some of that got into my bloodstream when I was an unconscious thought. There’s nothing I love more than meandering around a grocery store and here is why:
Grocery stores are organized. Sometimes in a way that makes sense and sometimes in ways that don’t, but at the very least you can look up at a sign that says “pet supplies” and find exactly what you’re looking for. There’s a beautiful charm to a grocery store that is rarely present in my wild sexy crazy New York life. The charm of knowing what you’re walking into. I know what I’m about to see every time. Maybe the Rao’s is $9 or maybe it’s on sale for $5 but it will always be above the Prego and below the Newman’s Own.
Grocery stores are an incredible conversation starter. I think a cool first date idea would be to just walk around a CTown like we’re walking down the street. I think you can learn a lot about a person by walking up and down the aisles. What boxed Mac and cheese was in your house as a kid? What flavor Gatorade is inexplicably best? How did your early childhood shape your romantic attachment style?
Grocery stores are the prime target for consumer marketing strategies. The kids stuff is at their eye level, the hot dog buns are near the ketchup, and the cans of beans are $2 each or 2 for $4 for the dumbasses out there like me who would fall for that.
The grocery store is a lawless land of unpredictability. You make plans, grocery store laughs. If you wrote the items down in list form, thinking that would help guide your trip, you’d be an ignorant fool. First you’re reaching for the black beans, then you see a new flavor of salsa that sounds cool. Roasted pineapple habanero. Neat! Add to cart. Now you need chips. Chips are in the snack aisle. Now you’re in the snack aisle and you passed the gluten free cracker section. You’re not gluten free but your stomach hurt yesterday and you can never be fully sure about anything so you reach to give them a try. You circle back for the chips and now suddenly there are a lot of crunchy salty things in the basket. Are you thirsty? Quick! Turn around. There’s a wall of kombucha. You hate the taste but the glass bottles look so nice. Probiotics are supposed to help with the stomach stuff. Ok just try the lemonade flavor maybe that’s not so bad. Focus back on your list, now back at me, now back at your list. Are you eating too much red meat? We can fix that. The planet is at once on fire and flooding. Here’s an Impossible Burger in the freezer section. It will also make your stomach hurt but you don’t know that yet. You’re just trying to “do the right thing.” Now DONT forget burger buns and ketchup and lettuce tomato onion pickles. And find access to your nearest Weber grill. Once you’ve lost your phone in the depths of your tote bag and scramble to find it because the plumber is finally calling you back, you are free to go. The grocery gods have had their way.
On your way home, you’ll pick up a sandwich for dinner. Because convenience wins most fights. Because life is not a grocery store, and nobody knows what’s going to happen next. You can eat your beans tomorrow.