The day I got my grade back on my Econ 101 midterm (42%) I sat in the lobby of the University of Michigan Museum of Art and cried. Then I called my mom who asked me how it was possible to get that low of a grade on a test, but then said that I would be ok. Then I called my dad who said not to worry because he failed a biology quiz in high school to which I replied this was sort of different.
The night I got my grade back, I went to Zingerman’s Bakehouse to take a knife skills class. How did we get here?? My freshman year I took a class called “The Anthropology of Food” and our professor was friends with the owner of Zingerman’s so at the end of the class we all got a gift card for one free cooking class. If you give a man a fish, he eats for a day, but if you teach a man how to properly hold, sharpen, and use a chef’s knife, he can take out his economically driven anger on a raw potato. I am the man. This is my story.
I got to the bakery at around 6pm, and everyone in the class with me was a couple. There was the older couple celebrating their 20th wedding anniversary, the newlyweds learning to cook together, and the couple my age rubbing their happiness in my face. (At this point in my life I had only kissed 4 boys and one of them was joining the Air Force so I guess by the transitive property I could consider myself a military wife?)
Our instructor was an old bald Irish man. I don’t remember his name but I remember all the key points of the lesson. And I remember the old couple telling me I could make a man very happy one day. I at least know I can make a man a shit ton of chopped vegetables.
The instructor said it doesn’t matter how expensive your knife is, it just matters that you keep it sharp. This is a metaphor for your brain. You can spend thousands of dollars on a fancy education and SAT tutoring, but if you don’t spend hours a day overthinking your every move then you will never have the mental agility to jump to conclusions at warp speed.
He then stressed the importance of consistency in your knife cuts. If you’re sautéing onions and they’re all different sizes, you’ll have some pieces that are deeply brown and caramelized and some that are crunchy and not as sweet. Consistency is important! I’ve started making my bed every day just to add some regularity to my weeks. There’s gonna be a coup in America soon, but at least I start every day with a little avocado toast to trick my brain into producing serotonin.
But the first and longest part of the lesson was how to hold the knife. You think you know how to do it, but you probably don’t. There’s an art to it. An ergonomic form. If you don’t have a good grip, you’re more likely to slip and hurt yourself. I’ve been trying to focus lately on how to hold myself. How to get a grip, if you will. For 5 years I’ve wanted to get a tattoo of a carrot because I made up some story of how it represents being grounded and sturdy. I may never get the tattoo, but the sentiment remains. Everything starts with the basics, from the ground. Even econ! Day one was supply and demand and if you didn’t grasp that, you’d have a very hard time with the rest of the semester. (Spoiler alert.)
I’m grateful for the lessons I learned that day in 2017. I’m a very efficient sous chef in the kitchen, I will never be a venture capitalist, and I met a nice couple who, after 20 years, were still learning new things together.
I feel really smushy today. I’m not sure if I can blame it on the moon so I’ll blame it on Mike Pompeo. If there’s a coup, I will chop the onions for the revolution.