Alternate Reality Democratic National Convention
Because the real one was boring
Opening Remarks:
Good Evening! Welcome to the 2020 Democratic National Convention. I’m your host, Ryan Seacrest, and we have an amazing show for you tonight. This upcoming election is a big one: everything is at stake! But luckily, you can text “VOTE” to 12345 to cast your ballot for President. It’s that easy! Anyway, sit back, relax, and enjoy the convention. And remember, when a white 17 year old child kills two BLM protestors with an illegal assault weapon, he is a terrorist!
Schedule:
Introduction by Julia Louis-Dreyfus, American actress, on why she has chosen to cast me, Rachel, in her biopic.
Pledge of Allegiance, by the Broadway cast of “Annie”
National anthem, sung by the dancing sharks from Katy Perry’s Superbowl performance
Remarks by Riley Jones, a 2nd grade teacher from Ohio, on how she plans to incorporate her Covid safety precautions into her school shooter drills with a viral Tiktok dance
Remarks by Rihanna, on the long-awaited release of her 10th studio album
A tribute to George W. Bush directed by Ellen Degeneres (done in Microsoft Powerpoint)
A presentation on Biden’s plan for what he’s gonna do with all that junk, all that junk inside that trunk
Remarks by Sally Rooney, Irish writer and author, on why she chose to destroy America
Remarks by California Secretary of State Alex Padilla and Michigan Secretary of State Jocelyn Benson on what exactly is a secretary of state, my friend was asking
“You Built America”: A conversation between Donald Trump and his reflection, he gets sweatier and more out of breath as it goes on, this is done as an Instagram live from the White House master bathroom
Remarks by former Chief of Surgery at Seattle Grace Hospital Derek Shepherd, on how easy it is to have healthcare when you are a fake doctor in a fake hospital
Remarks by Sen. Tammy Duckworth (D-IL)
Joe and Jill Biden come out on stage to do the Thriller dance
Remarks by former South Bend, Indiana, Mayor Pete Buttigieg, on what it was like to run a town of 8 people and why that qualified him to run for President of the United States, plus exclusive footage from the wine cave dinner
“United We Stand:” A presentation on Biden’s candidacy from his Democratic primary rivals, done in the style of when they announce the winner of Best Performance By An Actor In a Leading Role and the rest of them who lose have to smile and clap even though they’re bitter
Remarks by former New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg on what it’s like to be an out of touch Billionaire who “gets it”
A short film on the Biden family, focused on Biden’s grandchildren, who had to do this against their will
A brief video biography of Biden that does not address the 1994 crime bill because what happens in Vegas
Remarks and acceptance speech by HILLARY RODHAM CLINTON wait how did she get in here
Apology speech by DNC Security Chairman Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson
Blooper Reel